The Random
The randomness of space and time is specific to the time which you were born. The when and where crucial to the outcome of your life. Mother and father I thank you. I now sit alone in a chair by the window, watching the birds fly around.
What beginning is not big?
Fall is upon me , twisting to form a new beginning of a new end. The struggle for the year being put to rest, and moving away for the winter.
Thanks to the seasons for the stormy sea and the warm still beach.
Still Floating
I was in the open but the walls had closed in, inside my mind. Great friends became burdens, and an island of my own was my destination. We were towing the island fifty feet behind the boat. My shipmate was sleeping below, the sails were wing and wing. We moved with the waves, seemingly still in relation to them, going nowhere I thought, the shore a couple of miles away panning left at a slow speed. I decided to jump in the ocean, and play in it's vastness.
Emerging immediately to take a breathe of air I was startled at the speed of my boats departure from me. The boat was sailing on it's own, with my only friend sleeping below. I reached up to the line tethered between the boat and the eleven foot inflatable boat being towed behind. My hand slid quickly over the taught rope throwing a mist out from behind my hands, and becoming warmer as I slid at a zip line speed towards my "island". This is much different than I expected. I did not know if I was going to be run over by the very vessel I was hoping to hop in. In a second the boat was about to touch my face as I held my arms above the water to grab the top of the rail. The side of the boat was wet and as round as an adult tree, making grip with the fingers impossible I slid down all eleven to the back of the boat where a swift
I dont want to know. Not yet.
Lucidity is a disease, best treated with plenty of rest on comfortable ground, preferably the ground of a new town. Lying down and gazing upwards, or outwards from that one small point that you occupy in our universe. Yes this universe is ours to occupy, to do with as we please, and Im so happy that we only occupy a small grain of it, for we would surely make a mess of any new territory that we humans "discover" and "conquer" if we were given all of it. We would most certainly stick a stick into this newly found territory, and wave our symbol from it, to signify that we are "about to fuck this place up from this point on." I wonder if the flag is a universal symbol? Anyways, a new perspective on life is always welcomed.
Tired of watching grey embers
I was doing just fine where I was, or was I? Her smile is promising, and one that I can follow. And her feeling is familiar to me, she's never been close to my home, but she feels like home, some common understanding that transcends distances. Gladly forgoing sleep and habits to uncover what is behind the attraction. This pull from her is guiding, gliding me through the day. Pulling me from the maze, and dressing me in comfort, the air feels softer when I think of her.
The truth hurts, learn to love it.
The person I aspire to be, has died, and no it is not me. They ceased to be years ago, miles away, but of course they are still felt. Overcoming pain can become an addiction, a search that leads to heartache, a testing of your capacity and furthermore your ability to flourish in its presence. Is it the excuse in your pocket that you love? The ability to explain to your pain, to give reason for all else in your life that is wrong and unexpected.
?
Dont fade away, because god blessed today. Go outside and play, let someone else stay in and pray. Always thinking about tomorrow, never ......
When we get there
Sitting, observing the trees, looking for any movement to indicate the vermin is alive and willing to play. I had premeditated the enjoyment and acted it out. My instincts are perverted by the gun, giving me a quick fix to my natural desire to obtain a meal. To think of what I had done, brought me to question myself, to trust why I acted, or know who I was. Sometimes I get to a place, a place that has taken a long time to get to, and I wish I wasnt there.
folks can't drive
Be scared of a crowd of morons. Numbers matter.
Keep on.
If there is only one light left on, I will carry on, until early morn. The rise of the sun, can cripple the hardened heart of the sworn,
I rip through roots embedded, light years deep. It is all in the master plan, and oh I thank you Lord for bringing me here.
Im generations of men digging six feet deep, thats right Im workin on it. Counting on it, having my doubts on it, reworking it, its still sounds pretty thin. Well, it is a thin line between lying on the top and lying on the bottom. That's where your boots are.
Southernplayalisticcaddillacfunkmusic..............Man Im feelin it. Please put some lipstick on those juicy lips of yours, I can see them in your drawers.
I am a union of two childrens minds, and a child myself. I take pride in it, what I do, and I ask you, who are you. Truly?......Who are you?
Who have you fed today, who have you supported on your shoulder and looked in the eye and proclaimed, I am stronger with you here beside me.
I can feel it in the air, something has brought me here. Ive never wrote a song before, I swear. You are witnessing something here. Like a vision someone else is dreaming, beaming it to me, and I am forseeing, and at the same believing. Listen to the message Im seeing.
A vision not blurred, and with beings. Beings believing in what they should be reading, given a proper cleaning, leaving anything you think you said, and maybe just thought was "worth leaving" a proper heaving, out the 40th story window onto a seaping, pile of feces, left steaming.
So please greet me, on ye, one knee, of course, that is, if you ever get the chance to see "Me!"
Are you hearing that everything is not as it seems? To perceive just means to believe.
Marketing 101
How long will the old religions flourish, will they be revised, before they become completely outdated and surpassed by scientific discovery? One in the religion would argue that God only has to write one book, I mean come on God knows what to say, and who to say it to, and why wouldnt he want to write a book? And how in the world could the word of God be written about in a blog so sarcastically. Will God ever have another baby?
Jesus is the most marketable name in the U.S. If he has any relatives alive today, Im sure they are swimming in aquafina filled pools and buying their dogs edible vacation homes. Plastic Jesus on the dashboard or the shelf, Jesus the movie, WWJD the bracelet, the t-shirt, he sells out the arena, has his own country, and all because he died for me, little ol me. When approached on the street with pamphlets from the righteous, explaining that someone had died for me, I asked what differentiated Jesus dying for me from a soldier dying "for me." Please forgive me if I seem unmoved, possibly been desensitized by all the video games, but really. Religions are a business, simple as that. They aren't without their purpose, fulfilling a need, comforting our desire to feel significant. Just as any company looks to produce an answer to your question, "why am I so fat?...well, cause' you haven't tried our stuff, now have you?". Please excuse me fat folks, but you know why youre fat, maybe there are some that believe inexpensive massive quantities of crappy processed food and no good exercise is really quite healthy, but not that many. And people know when they are wrong, maybe there are some that believe in child abuse and theft, but not that many. Religion gives life a purpose, not that it doesnt have one without it, but it is certainly less apparent, and hard to be confident about when searching for it on your own. Religion is a personal matter, only known truly by the individual. This should be respected and no lines ever drawn in the sand. As a person grows from an infant, life becomes more unsure, and the infant more trepid, more aware of outside judgments, more careful to be politically pleasing, unaffecting, and less like the sure, smiling, and proud infant. Life lived in this way loses its purpose as one grows farther and farther from infancy, and closer to death. This is where religion gets good, they have a product that not only increases the value of your life, but even keeps on working when your dead. Which sounds good, and hey, why not, if it doesn't work then what have you really lost? Perhaps not being honest with yourself, or others. For many there is much gained in fellowship and debate, and the religion can be an assistance to understanding the conflicting emotions of human interest. But for others it only creates a false confidence that is preyed upon. Religion is the miracle drug, its the pioneer of street vending, marketing seminars on how to use the drug, and what a customer loyalty. When you are willing to kill the competition, you are in a pretty profitable business. I define my religion with my choices, not by a label in a multiple choice questionnaire.
God blew up
In the beginning, God was a smooth and uniform circle, limited to knowing only what experiences lied within that circle. The original state of God was not able to develop, or learn, but only to exist. This existence was boring; the thought of living forever, isolated and by yourself led to self-destruction. God went to search for the anti-god.
The anti-god was not found outside of the circle, but in the center of the circle, creating two out of one, and then to later combine again to produce one more knowledgeable than before, with a desire for disorder, and the search for chaos. The use of knowing everything, being perfect, was not what god could sustain forever, for then God's life would have ended, albeit in a state of perceived harmony. God would have created nothing out of a perfect order, but perfect order. And so god created time by creating chaos, and sacrificing it's own life.
God blew itself up, the big bang, in order to learn more about itself. Throughout our universe God dispersed its own life. This was as calculated a risk as any God would take. Probably many other Gods watched in wonder, criticizing such a bold manuever, but that is what makes our God so special. God is everywhere and is everything, and much of our visceral beliefs about the subject are correct, because those beliefs are not are own, but God's. Believe.
The energy that is transferred from one place to another through an array of forms is God itself enjoying life. It is also the Antigod, which even humans are able to discern, although more easily felt than defined and described. The balance is perfect, although when viewed in such a micro view, such as that of a human, it looks to swing across a broad range.
Im Awake
The black water streamed over the skin. The legs grow from out of the pooling cool water, while the hairs pattern themselves into connecting roots. Slowly cleaned by the evening shower, a warm downpour of water. Hearing the beats of falling water droplets long before I felt them. Finally, I am conscious again.
I have been trapped under the soil for some time now, knowing not how to emerge from it. The wind had swept over me for years, covering me in layer upon layer of debris, hiding all understanding that I had. Compacted under its own weight, pulling densely together, and slowly bearing down and pulling closer to the day of my birth. I was always looking to organize the future, but now found myself vacated by the understanding of the present, and now I began to organize the past. For the past is all I truly know. The present all that I can truly miss. The future all that can I hope for.
So upon entering my new life, there was not even space to lift my eyelids, but I knew I was still alive, and understood that I had survived here for a reason. The first few weeks were insane; a war full of fury and disbelief. I questioned what I once knew to be fact and frightened myself with the possibility of never returning to six feet underground. The panic increased, until I felt the change, the collapse of the war, and the beginning of the harmony. My blood warmed to fill my bones. A sense of self, unrecalled, intense, and unbelievable. The hardened earth all around me began to break apart, and although I could not move, I understood that I was moving.
Finding Zero
Woke up in a roar, spinning, rolled up in a shadow. It has gotten awfully cold here, my lungs are stiff and my breathing is disappearing, but the blood dribbling into my mouth gives me one last warm meal. They have stolen my vehicle and are charging towards in it, obviously hoping to kill me with it. I take comfort in the little things, and smile one last time. I tell my chest to stop, its okay. The shadow no longer lingers about me, but has entered through my eyes, and I stare into forever. I feel like Im sinking into nothing, into myself, becoming so infintely close to not existing, becoming zero and accelerating, and then all of a sudden Ive passed it, whereever it was I was going, Ive sunk into nothing, only to come out on the other side. Passing the point at which I felt this life would most certainly end, I burst out into all directions, an explosion of whereever it is Ive entered. I cant comprehend the extreme impact of the threshhold I crossed over. Im unable to filter out anything comprehensible, but this feels like growth. Inside I am stirring with life, and death is behind me, or atleast what I would suspect is behind me, but I dont know if there are any directions here. I move so fast, but yet I feel no consistency in whatever space Im moving through. Adjusting my frequencies, I feel as though a bolt of lightning is contained within my chest, entrapped, and that I can pull in more and more, feeling more and more dense. Im afraid of what happens if I keep going, the energy begins to leak through my concentration like water through a strangling grip, and then waves begin to crash against the insides of me. In the instant of decision, I leap and crash though the window feet first.
Bam!
Well what do say to your first blog? I feel like Ive know you forever? It doesnt matter it doesnt care. What do I care about at the present time, have to get up for graffiti removal as soon as I close my eyes. Trying to cease blinking is drying out my eyes. Havent decided if its better to sleep than work, especially if you dont care for the time involved "working." But, what will I do with the peanut butter sandwich I made for lunch? Eat it with a glass of milk I suppose. But for reals, wow this life thing is an entirely different painting than I had imagined, colors I couldnt comprehend.
A marathon through the damp streets and the concrete roads to the sky. Im looking at my new enhanced white running shoes tempoed in and out of frame below me, and Ive got a number lying across my chest, 113,871,464,001. This works, well, atleast I have a purpose, but for how long I wonder? There are worn out runners sitting on the ground scattered with regularity throughout the course, all different ages, all different faces, but all the same feeling. Why dont you get up I asked a young lady, and with a smile drowned in complacancy, she complained that unless I had something for her head, she was going nowhere. I didnt pay her much attention and decided that I would give her the momentum she needed to get moving again. As I went, bending down to put my arms between hers, she smiled again, as if she knew something I did not. I used an effort capable of lifting planets, but I could not seperate her from her seat. She is obviously too heavy for me to move, although it looks like it would only take a intense stare to lift her. My miscalculation. I move on and catch back up with my pack, we have reached the edge of the city. While the rain continues to pour only a footstep behind me, here it is dry, with a dry ground, an inviting canvasing of moss, covering the ground in mounds. The rain has formed into waterfalls, some in the open coming from a funnel of leaves above, but most are falling with the line of the tree trunks. It smells very alive and clean. The trees are a canopy of dark green and blue. Im going to take my shoes off, enjoy the breathing of the trees, I think Ill stop here to take a nap.
